05.31.2012

Honestly
I stopped caring a long time ago
And
I stopped getting close to people a long time ago too.
Why?
Because 97% of the time they don’t give a rat’s ass about you and they end up leaving or you unknowingly push them away.
You don’t know who’s gonna be there when you’re at you’re worst.
For some you’re best friend will be there but for others they don’t even know that you’re a mess.
And then you realize all you need is just some one to listen to you. You end up not caring who the person is you just want some one to hear you out.

I know that I’m not good enough

1. You don’t need to rub it in
2. I’m trying to do the best that I can

just ranting

Honestly I don’t care about what you think about me anymore. I’m done. I’m proud of my grades. I don’t care if i don’t have a 4.0. I’m proud of the mistakes I’ve made. I’m done trying to make you proud because nothing ever makes you happy. I don’t care that you want me to become a nurse because I don’t want that. I want to become a pastry chef it’s my life and I’ll do what I want with it. I’m not going to go the philippines for college just cause its cheaper. I’m tired of following your path without even knowing it. Like for a small example you did track till the end of 8th grade that’s the same thing I did I didn’t even know till after. Honestly I just want to have fun while I live this life. But I feel like I’m missing out on so much because most of the time when I ask to go out with friends I get a no. I love making mistakes and learning from them I don’t like doing things right the first time that’s honestly impossible it keeps the mind from trying new things because everything has to be fucking perfect. I want to be pushed into the things that I want to become not what you want me to be. I’m not a robot that with a customizable program. I’m a human being.

I kinda want to get high…..

04.12.2012

I really need a warm long hug right now. I’m crying my eyes out and I don’t know what to do. I’m on the edge right now. It feels like there’s a really thin line between living and existing. I need closure. I need help.

04.11.2012

Hey bro,

If she’s different treat her like she’s different. Please don’t treat her like the other girls you treat or else she will just walk away for the same reasons the others did. I’ve seen you go out with so many girls and I can tell that you actually love this one.